Help me Craigslist, you are my only hope....

Check out my ad!

http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/van/wan/1938255526.html

Fingers crossed.

Thanks for nothing Gordon

World's Worst Home Security Device

So I came home to a relatively unpleasant surprise yesterday.  A cop's business card on my door.  My kicked in door.  Some worthless fucker kicked in my place and took my shit.  My only alarm was my room mates fucking gecko Gordon who doubtlessly watched the fucker(s) tear my place apart.  Do you think he popped out of his cage (sorry Derek, 'terrarium') and called for help or said something witty in a British accent like the one on the Gieco commercials to dissuade the fucker(s) from jacking my stuff?  Not fucking likely.  What did they get?  Cash?  Nope, none in the place.  Laptop.  Nope, it was with me.  What else could they have grabbed?  Hmmmmmm.  Oh yeah, all my Herbal Essence.  Two pounds of the sweetest hydro I have had my hands on in quite some time.  Sooooooo pissed.  So now I have a problem.  And who is going to help me?  Constable Dipshit?  Great.  How's that conversation going to go?

Pig- "So, it appears that you have been the victim of a break and enter."


Me- "Well done, Serpico.  What was your first clue?  The kicked in door?  The call from my landlord?"

Pig- "Can you tell me what's missing?"

Me- "My faith in the system, specifically you, to help me with this problem."

Pig- "From you apartment, sir."

Me- "Oh, just my ipod Nano."

Pig- "I see.  Can you describe it."

Me- "It was silver and black and was likely stolen (karma is a beeeatch).  Does that help?"

Pig- "Mmmm, hmmm.  Well, I am going to pretend that I am actually going to talk to you neighbours and write some stuff down but what I am actually doing is sketching a picture on my report of you sucking your own dick.  How's that sound?"


Me- "Pretty much what I expected.  Hey, since you had left your business card on my door I assume that you checked everything out, called CSI or whatever and headed out for a donut."

Pig- "Affirmative."


Me- "Any chance that when you were looking around you found a few Ziplock freezer bags full of a lot of oregano and decided to keep it for yourself you fat crooked pig?"

So unless it gets back to me who snatched my stash I am fucked.  And fucked over.  And now I need a new Nano.  And the new Nano sucks.